Harry Pothead and the Sorcerers Stoned
by Knightmaremist
Summary: Harry gets stoned for the first time. Not meant to offend; I was just goofing off one night.


It was Harry's 18th birthday and he would be graduating from Hogwarts that year. He'd wanted to do something special... something out of character for him, something that would make this blasted school remember Harry Potter forever!  
  
He crept up to the huge stump on the grassy knoll, upon which Hagrid had slovenly planted himself. Harry leaned in and caught glimpse of a strange apparatus that Hagrid was holding, and igniting with a cigarette lighter.  
  
"What's that?" Harry asked, nearly sending Hagrid to the skies as he jumped, quite startled.  
  
"Boy, don't be doing that!" Hagrid spat, surprised to see the kid standing there with his old wide-eyed innocent look, as usual. "This here's a bong but don't tell anybody I have it," he whispered frantically, shifting his eyes from left to right.  
  
"That smells like marijuana!" Harry exclaimed loudly, once again causing Hagrid to jostle restlessly.  
  
"Boy, it is!" He hissed. "Now be quiet or I'll make you leave." He returned to his machinations, slowly lighting the instrument and holding it to his bearded lips.  
  
"I wanna try it," Harry announced. "I'm eighteen today. I can get stoned if I want to," he added proudly.  
  
Hagrid shook his head. "This stuff is a might strong for you, your first time. You'd best be lookin' to smoke you some skunk first," he replied, somewhat annoyed.  
  
"Oh, Hagrid please? Just a little bit. I only want to see what it's like," Harry persisted, then proceeded to throw Hagrid those hang-dog eyes. "Please?"  
  
The old man rolled his eyes at Harry. "Boy, you'll be the death of us both if you try to do any magic when you're stoned. I have your word?" he queried suspiciously.  
  
"Of course," Harry responded dryly. Then Hagrid sighed heavily, knowing it was impossible to argue with the kid. He handed him the kaleidoscopic bong and showed him what to do.  
  
"Just take a small hit the first time. Don't wanna see you choking up a lung," he sneered.  
  
Harry chuckled. "I'm an adult now, Hagrid. I think I can handle a little pot!" he exclaimed, sucking through the long end rather deeply.  
  
Hagrid immediately pulled it away. "Boy, I said take a small hit, not swallow the bloody thing!"  
  
Harry started to inhale strongly, but instantaneously found himself coughing with a stiff stifling in his wind pipe. His throat was burning. Hagrid started to cackle wildly. "I told you! You youngin' can't handle this stuff! You're a lightweight, Harry. Stick to chewing tobacco or something!" He was laughing so hard he almost fell backward off the stump.  
  
Harry scowled. "Now, that'll quite do, Hagrid," he said in an uppity fashion.  
  
"Oh kid, you just don't know what you're getting into!" Hagrid roared, now choking on his own mocking laughter.  
  
"Give that back to me, Hagrid. I wasn't finished... uh... hitting it yet," Harry demanded, snatching the bong from Hagrid's thick stumpy fingers. He proceeded to take another long puff, holding it more successfully this time. Though his eyes watered and his face turned scarlet, he sucked in for dear life until he thought his pupals would pop out. Then he exhaled, widening them profusely.  
  
Surprisingly, this had quite the sobering effect upon Hagrid, who just sat there watching.  
  
"That the correct way to do it?" Harry asked haughtily, gently waving the bong in front of Hagrid.  
  
Hag nodded, a stillness in his eyes. "You're gonna get stoned, Harry, then I'm not to be responsible for your actions, boy," he warned.  
  
Harry started chortling like a silly kid. "Will you just relax? I'm fine," he stated emphatically as he moved to sit next to Hagrid on the stump. But he tripped over his own clumsy feet and toppled into the overgrown Sasquatch instead. Hagrid caught him, giving him the evil eye.  
  
"I warned ya, boy. This stuff is nothing to play around with!"  
  
But Harry was on his way to being stoned, and Hagrid's words fell upon deaf ears. After several more hits Harry started pointing and laughing at the air. "Dude, what's that?" he asked. Nothing was there.  
  
"Oh boy now you're seeing things. There's nothing, Harry. You need to lay off the pipe," Hagrid said with some concern in his tambour.  
  
"And you need to lay off me, dude. I know what I saw," Harry insisted, slurring his words a bit. Then he began to cackle incessantly, rocking back and forth. He gestured to a nearby tall oak, mumbling something incoherent that resembled "fizzle fazzle frick a frocket" and laughing, he pointed to the tree. It burst into flame, which made Harry's cackling further escalate. "Oops," he laughed.  
  
Hagrid was quite annoyed. "And just how are you going to explain that one?" he demanded, gesturing toward the burning bush.  
  
"Just tell them it isn't there," he roared, losing his balance and falling face forward onto the ground. He was passed out. Good thing. Hagrid didn't have enough chips to go around when the munchies would set in. 


End file.
